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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The Average Temperature of Eden and My New Theory of Climate Unchange

Recall this quote from the Rev. Jim Antal:

"God has given us this Eden, and our behavior is making a mess of it"

And let's not forget David Foreman from Earth First!:

"We must make this an insecure and inhospitable place for capitalists and their projects . . . We must reclaim the roads and plowed land, halt dam construction, tear down existing dams, free shackled rivers and return to wilderness millions of tens of millions of acres of presently settled land."

As I have said before, religionists and/or environmentalists both explicitly or implicitly postulate an Eden wherein “man” allegedly lived in “perfect harmony” with nature and/or God which has now been defiled by man’s essential nature which is flawed and profane.

First a quick aside. What were these creatures in Eden and what was the point of their lives? To quote Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand p. 951:

"What is the nature of your guilt that your teachers call his Original Sin? What are the evils man acquired when he fell from a state they consider perfection? Their myth declares that he ate the fruit of the tree of knowledge – he acquired a mind and became a rational being. It was the knowledge of good and evil- he became a moral being. He was sentenced to earn his bread by his labor- he became a productive being. He was sentenced to experience desire- he acquired the capacity of sexual enjoyment. The evils for which they damn him are reason, morality, creativeness, joy-all the cardinal values of his existence. It is not his vices that the myth of man’s fall is designed to explain and condemn – it is not his errors that they hold as his guilt, but the essence of his nature as man. Whatever he was- that robot in the Garden of Eden, who existed without mind, without values, without labor, without love – he was not man."

So more to the point, what was the temperature of Eden? Scientists define standard temperature as 20 degrees C which is about 70 degrees F but I think that is a little cold so I am going to guess 74 with a slight 5-10 mph breeze and light chop. Now, apparently the weather did not change, right? It is Eden afterall. Under perfection, to what would the temperature change and why? Although, this does beg the question of what constitutes perfection since if you don’t know imperfection you would have no basis for the concept of perfection, but let’s have faith. Also, that leaves the question of how the polar bears and penguins got here but that is whole another post.

So apparently a perfect world would be one in which climate does not change. Now, that leaves open the fact that when the earth was formed over 4 billion years ago it was essentially molten and since then has not only cooled just a bit but also undergone numerous ice ages. Should we use the temperature of the earth when it was molten as part of our average temperature calculation? That would make the earth seem pretty cold right now. But that’s imperfect and profane reality so let’s get back to Eden where it was “perfect”.

Did God change the weather once man fell or was it His plan to change the weather all along? If so, we could question the theological claims of Rev. Antal since the temperature was never intended to stay the same. I am confused.

Now let me get to my theory. First the earth was molten and then we had ice ages. From 1940-1970 it was cold and the ecologists predicted global cooling. Now things have trended up and they are predicting warming yet April 2007 is tracking to be the coldest month in 113 years. Taking into account all this evidence one might be tempted to claim simply that the temperature changes a lot and people seem to adapt. But that is too simple and will garner absolutely zero funding. I am now closing in on a new theory of climate change or “unchange” based on the less rapidly oscillating temperature extremes we have experienced since the last Ice Age. I think that the evidence now shows that temperature is approaching an approximately constant value. I call this Global Thermal Homogeneity.

Global Thermal Homogeneity means that the global temperature will simply be the same. Now, you might be tempted to think that this is in perfect accordance with the Eden situation but you’re wrong. Unfortunately, anything that happens "post-fall" can only be an imperfect reflection of the Platonic form of Garden or Earth, and as always, since Man is tangentially related - it must have apocalyptic implications. Now given that the temperature will be the same, animals and plants that thrive in cooler or tropical temperatures will not survive and this will upend the entire global eco-system which somehow will lead to floods, pestilence, famine, and war between nations fighting over stuff unlike now where people don’t fight over stuff.

I urge the Pentagon and CIA to immediately stage war games to simulate the fallout and ascertain the national security implications as well as obtain lots of funding.

I realize that in light of the UN IPCC which I have dubbed the environmentalist version of the First Council of Nicaea, this could be considered heresy or even global warming “denial.” But I am willing to martyr myself to the cause.

Finally, I point out that such councils are rarely ends in themselves. The unification and definition of official orthodoxy enables proponents to take the next logical step which is the passing of laws and the fun part for the rulers - punishment for breaking them. Here is a quote from Theodosius' imperial edict following the mysterious Council of Constantinople which took place about 50 years after the First Council of Nicaea:

"We authorize the followers of this law to assume the title of orthodox Christians; but as for the others, since in our judgment, they are foolish madmen, we decree that they shall be branded with the ignominious name of heretics, and shall not presume to give to their conventicles the names of churches. They will suffer in the first place the chastisement of divine condemnation, and in the second the punishment which our authority, in accordance with the will of heaven, shall decide to inflict."
If current trends continue, this heretic believes that the official environmentalist decree will not take 50 years.

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